Monday, Monday

What am I doing????? Its a public holiday and I'm in the office! I guess it helps that Stefan is also working otherwise I would probably still be snuggled in bed!

In two weeks time we have an election - 2 weeks! During the last election I was planning our wedding, (In case you are a little confused I work for the Electoral Commission (IEC) - the body that runs the elections in South Africa), I really thought then that by this time we would be a family of three - but God has other plans for us I guess.

Makes me think of a song we used sing in Sunday School:

In His time, in His time
He makes all things beautiful
In His time

Lord, please show me every day
As You’re teaching me Your way
That You do just what You say
In Your time

In Your time, in Your time
You make all things beautiful
In Your time

Lord, my life to You I bring
May each song I have to sing
Be to You a lovely thing

In Your Time

Its funny how you have your whole life planned out - and it doesn't work out the way you planned. I wonder sometimes - why? what did I do wrong? Am I being punished? But then I remember that its not what I want.....its what God wants.

During the last 18 months while trying to fall pregnant has been an amazing journey, we never thought it would be so hard! As I have said in my previous posts, my husband is awesome and always, always positive. We have done everything that we could and have had ourselves checked out - tests done - everything and now we just have to HURRY UP and WAIT.

I have always wanted to be a mom, I love taking care of people. Can't really explain it but I have always wanted to get married and have children ..... and live happily ever after!

I will never again ask anyone I meet (family or friends) that are married.....so When are you planning on having children???? My husband has the perfect answer now....He says "We are still enjoying the practicing" but it hurts, it hurts that people will ask this innocently but have no idea the yearning we actually have for a child, sometimes I feel like telling them well actually we have been trying for the last year and nothing. What I don't think they realise is that it just adds pressure! For some people its just not easy to fall pregnant.

The next thing these people normally say is: its so sad that people who want children try so hard and there are so many children that are unwanted - I really didn't want to hear that!!

Then they will say, you should just relax....don't think about it....It will happen!

I just wish they would have not said anything in the first place.....then if you have told them you are trying they will ask you everytime they see you...Hi, How are you, How is work, your husband? Not pregnant yet? or Any NEWS????.....Argggghhhh

It becomes a vicious cycle.

All I know is it will happen, but not in my time and I need to hurry up and wait.